Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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