So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
