Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
