I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
