Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You're a waste of cheezeits
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
