We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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