It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
