me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
