What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
