Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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