So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
