It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
