You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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