ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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