Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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