don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's shark week go big or go home
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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