yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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