and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
