You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
