Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I will be naked everywhere
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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