i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
