i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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