Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
