it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
