i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
