I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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