yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
