yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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