Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
