I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
