hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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