wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
it's like heaven, but drunker
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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