just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
