Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
