We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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