is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
