No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
