im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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