I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
