We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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