Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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