he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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