Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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