i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
