i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My penis needs a shock collar
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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