fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
