the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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