I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
