I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i now understand why vodka
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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