I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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